Brain Blenders

My Humps By Alanis Morissette

Quite possible the best song she has ever done! Joking, of course - but it is hilarious to hear the song in her beautiful voice, the lyrics just sound that much more absurd though. The parody is better than anything weird AL has done in a long time, especially when she head butts a guy. I will say the most lacking part is her dancing...good thing she can sing!

The picture is from the video where hilarity ensues. YouTube.  And for more hilarious songs check out Brad Paisley singing his hit REDNECK song TICKS. Yes, Ticks - has to be heard to be believed.

This is My Boomstick

One of the greatest movies of all time, Bruce Campbell vs. The Army of Darkness, and if you don't agree - you have a problem I can't pronounce. Or, maybe you just don't have a sense of humor? Well, now that I think of it, I'm probably not the best OVERALL judge of a "sense of humor". Probably, a better analogy is if you like reading the comics in The New Yorker then stop reading this post now.

As I was saying, the one of the top ten comedies of all time is Army of Darkness starring Bruce Campbell. This video from YouTube is a GREAT line from the movie. Boomstick. There are so many lines in this movie that it makes me think of all the great movie quotes that you could substitute in everyday language and, who knows, one might be able to actually not have an original word all day if you just quoted movie lines.

Which brings me to my initiative, Movie-line Day. Movie-line Day will be a day in which all manner of conversation will occur but, all content must be delivered in movie quotes. It will rock! However, here is a caveat...you can't just quote lines from one movie. Whoever the dillrod is that only quotes Napoleon Dynamite, or Caddy Shack shall be slapped. Yes, you can quote from the movie more than once, but two parties may not substitute meaningful dialog by trading lines back and forth between Fight Club. No, the real trick will be to quote lines from movies, or maybe Rap songs that actually substitute for actual conversation.

If you can't actually pull off an entire day of only quotes from famous movies then you must make several points during the day from movie, rap, or 80's television shows in the following manner:

"The Poet Mike Seaver said....", or "The Poet Ice T has said...", or The Famous Poet Cool Hand Luke once said...".

Take that Churchill chumps.

Some of these things write themselves

On my way to the hotel in Orlando, FL when I notice the cab driver has a cross stitch deal next to his seat. So I asked him how long he had been cross stitching? He says, since I was 8. We started talking about cross stitching and whatnot, because, frankly he did not look like he should be cross stitching (by the way - I have no REASON whatsoever to even begin talking about cross stitching, I'm clueless basically.)

So I asked the fellow, where did he get his patterns, and how long did they normally take, and what was the largest piece he had ever done. He said it was as big as the windshield of the van we were in. Then I asked what it depicted and this is where our connection severed. He said it was some spaceship from a movie. When I say it severed, I mean - he actually said the name of the make-believe space ship and the movie it was from but unfortunately my mind was screaming "same planet, different worlds."

I asked if I could take his picture with it and he said absolutely, and yes I told him it would most likely end up on the internet. I don't understand why people do some of the things they do, and I don't mean that as a knock against them. I used to like to hit firefly's with wiffle ball bats - can't even begin to explain that one. But, gross over generalizations, while funny, don't come close to explaining real people, and real don't even come close to real understanding of what makes us tick.

All in all, it really just goes to show you - you CANNOT judge a book by it's cover.

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Tide gets the "Bomb out"

Here's a topical article from your's truly, which never happens by the way. I do topical stories like Saddam does turtlenecks, like Rosie does shutting her pie-hole, like Mike Tyson does staying out of jail. All that, but completely opposite.

CBS 5 San Francisco, ran this story about the work the FBI, NSA and others have done over the last decade to decode the Unabomber's extremely complex code which detailed all of his exploits and potential future attacks. Apparently, his code and cipher was the most complex the NSA had seen since WW2. To the point where it took no less than six steps to enact the cipher. The good news is that the grungy fellow we all remember here, here and here apparently used Tide to get his clothes clean.

Now I don't believe that any sane brand manager would utilize this fortuitous product placement to grow the product awareness, but since we are talking about Ted Kaczynski here let's go the opposite direction.

Take this opportunity and maybe a few others to go in a COMPLETELY new direction. Allow people the opportunity to think about cleaning their clothes for another really necessary reason - avoiding horrible social/damaging information from leaving the private sanctity of your apparel.

"Want to get your clothes REALLY clean? Not spring fresh, or fragrant like a cuddly teddy bear, but criminal-investigation-exonerating-clean? Tide. Gets the Bomb out."

I could see a whole series of these:

"of course this is an act of entertainment, unless you're serious about trying a potentially hilarious tactic."

long day of travel

my heart goes out to all the road warriors stuck wherever they may be this weekend. for I, you see am one of those fortunate few who have had the opportunity to get to know their coworkers much better than they had expected over the past twelve hours.

I am sitting in a rented SUV on a major interstate in traffic that stretches for miles with 5 of my friends of commerce trying desperately to get home! earlier today we made it to the airport in plenty of time to get through check in, security and make it to the other side just as the dreaded "flight delayed" sign spread across our flight information. that is the tale-tell notice, in weather like this, that your flight could soon be cancelled. three hours later...sure enough it was. next flight out...24 hours from then, ON STANDBY! no thank you we said, we will take our chances with driving 8 hours through the weather ourselves. well...here we sit midnight has come and gone with several hours to go.

not a complaint! just a tip of the hat to the folks who marshal on without too much complaining or whining, here's to the dedicated loonies who don't yell at the people working the desks, or raise a giant fuss when their own lives are inconvenienced because of weather. good on you!

Gears of War Commercial

Have you seen the new commercial for Gears of War, video game coming out for the Xbox? It's all over the tube now, but is making quite an impression in "www-land" as well. Here is the commerciall.

If the song sounds familiar, then maybe you remember Donnie Darko where the Michael Andrews version of the song made a strong statement within the context of the film, and this is the same version used in the Gears of War ad. Here is the video for the song itself which is quite interesting.

But the real reason I bring the commercial up is the contrast of the action and the song. Unlike Donnie Darko which fits the song STRONGLY - the Gears of War advertisement is a bit of a contrast. One person responding to the commercial on a blog stated, "that's a fan-made piece of stuff, not an ad. I can't really see Microsoft using "Mad World" for an ad for Gears of War."

This same person said, "then again I might be wrong" - well guess what skippy? You are wrong. The rules, they are changing. Microsoft and companies like it are adapting the way they communicate to people. Less, let's follow a method, and more, let's make a compelling stand-along piece that moves people to react to it. Watch the commercial and tell me if you had a reaction - I'm interested.

Faith Hill Needs New Management

OK...I so rarely do this but here comes some unadulterated "entertainment" fodder for your reading pleasure. First off, Faith Hill and her manager are clearly delusional - especially if they think anybody believes this,

"Faith Hill and her manager are responding to comments about the sour note she appeared to have struck during Monday night's Country Music Association awards, during the female vocalist of the year award presentation.

When Carrie Underwood's name was announced  as the winner, Hill, who was nominated in the category, was caught by the ABC camera flailing her arms and apparently shouting "What?" before walking out of camera range.

Hill said Tuesday in a statement released by her publicist: "The idea that I would act disrespectful towards a fellow musician is unimaginable to me. For this to become a focus of attention given the talent gathered is utterly ridiculous. Carrie is a talented and deserving female vocalist of the year."

Added Hill's manager, Gary Borman: "I've worked with Faith for many years now and the idea that she would ever insult or undermine another artist, let alone another human being's success is absolutely preposterous. Those who know her know that she's incapable of such actions. She was being playful while the nominations were being read and playful after." FROM PEOPLE

Seriously? That's the explanation? She says WHAT?? and storms off camera and you come back with "she was being playful?" Mrs. Hill - you need a new publicist and that person is me. Here's my version of the explanation of your apparent temporary loss of your faculties.

"Mrs. Hill would like to tell Carrie Underwood to SUCK IT! The fact that that no-talent big-haired hack was even nominated in the same category at Mrs. Hill is a both a travesty and the recognition of a sad fact that the VMA's are run out of a former Stuckey's truck-stop somewhere near Nashville by a bunch of beer-swilling 'necks without the capacity to rub two brain cells together.

I have worked with Mrs. Hill for some time and can tell you that she has one vicious streak! If I know anything it's that Carrie Underwood had better watch her ass! Seriously, Mrs. Hill had placed 50 large on herself to win the award, in one of her offshore betting accounts, and her words to me as she stormed off the property Monday night was "that b----- better be an ATM machine cause Mama's gonna get her money back."

I'm not sure exactly what that means for Ms. Underwood but, it does not bode well. We would also like to take this time to remind everyone that Mrs. Hill's new album will be in stores just in time for Christmas"

Rebirth of a Nation

Acclaimed DJ, author, and all around bright guy DJ Spooky remixed Birth of a Nation by Griffith into something pretty cool. Prior to the show he gave a little history on the movie, some perspective on the period of time in which it was made, the fact that it was the first movie shown at the White House. Finally his reasons for remixing it which was to give a DJ's perspective that maybe you could remix history. It is his art project, and for the show I was grateful.

While I really like DJ Spooky's work...as I sit here in the Brown Theater I must admit...I get it! You can remix a movie into a new type of message, but damn it drags a bit right around hour number two.

I 'm not saying it wasn't interesting but I've seen French cinema with more punch, and less artistic fluff. My only hope at this point is that Spooky runs some Public Enemy tracks over some Tampon commercials.

The Areas of My Expertise

Some time ago I purchased and read the book "The Areas of My Expertise" by John Hodgman and told many about it...to the point that the publisher sent me a personal thank you with a lock of her hair. It was coarse hair and I found it unpleasant to touch, handle, and digest - but it made for a wonderful paint brush.

You might know John Hodgman from the now somewhat famous Mac/PC ads where one guy is playing the part of a mac and the other dude is a PC, he is the PC. Here is a HUGE photo of one John Hodgman here. I took this photo with my Canon GL-2 and transfered the digital image to Adobe Photoshop CS-2 where I added the cat. John asked for the file for his website, but he wanted me to remove the cat from the image as he felt it was unnecessary to the artistic integrity of the picture. I refused to do so, and the refusal has caused a large rift between us that I am unsure will ever be rectified.
But, notwithstanding our professional feud his latest work is brilliant. I have enjoyed the recent audiobook so much that I have listened to parts of it twice, and once while completely unconscious in my hyperbolic chamber. Hodgman reads the book himself, and the performance is worthy of tuning in for. So come on, you cheap bastards - pony up the $18 on iTunes and give your ears a thrill. Or steal it from your local music provider.