by:a.brain
America, and particularly Texas and even more specifically the people of North Dallas beware. There is a crime wave sweeping the area. You don't need to lock your doors, bar your windows, or even buy a steering wheel lock for your automobile. But what you do have to do is CHAIN DOWN YOUR STORK!!
I have a good friend of mine, who is crazy, seriously...last guy you want to dance with. He's nuttier than a fruitcake...tackled a guy in church once, for pissing him off on the basketball court. Heart of gold, sensitive enough to cry at the drop of a hat if something touches him the right way, but fight to the end if you step on his new sneakers and don't apologize and mean it. You probably have friends like that, or is it just me, that love you like a brother and then get into a wrestling match with you every time they see you, that's Reggie.
To the story: He and his wonderful wife just had their second child, a boy. The other night while Reg was walking him around in the wee hours of the morning, doing the Dad thing in his spacious home in Lewisville, he just pulls his shade aside and looks out one of his front windows. And what does he see at that exact moment but a guy walking through his front yard, and as if that isn't strange enough in his neighborhood considering the time, the guy grabs the 6 foot tall stork that announces the birth of his son and walks away with it.
Shocked, excited, and slightly bewildered - Reg (pronounced redge) hustles and puts his son in his bouncy seat and creeps out the back door. Mind you he is only wearing a pair of shorts - and that's all. No shirt, no shoes- just redneck casual.
He sees the turkey carrying the stork, as he is heading for a truck, driven by another individual waiting for him on the road. As the fellow begins to place the stork in the back of the truck Reg hollers out, "HEY, what are you doing?"
Well this freaks out everyone. Stork thief #1 throws the stork in the back of the truck and thief #2 mashes on the gas and takes off...LEAVING #1 on the side of the road. #1 takes off running trying to catch his ride, and Reg takes off running after him. Barefoot down the middle of the street at 3 AM...elbows and buttholes if you know what I mean. About 8 houses down the road, Reggie is gaining on #1, and #2 apparently catches his wits, slows down the truck and allows #1 to jump in the back, then speeds off.
But - apparently he didn't think through the whole evenings activities...because he had left the name of his business on the back and side of his truck, Eagle Lawn Service. So, Reggie called the police and files a report, which amounted to the authorities asking him, "They stole WHAT out of your yard?" But the kicker is, the value of the stork is such that they can prosecute the thieves.
And you know what Reggie wants if they catch these guys...in order for him to drop the charges he's going to make them cut his lawn for 2 years. Can you imagine the humilitation having to return every week to the scene of your undoing, where a shoeless man almost ran you down for STEALING HIS STORK?
Priceless...
Stay tuned for part two...