A regular reader and I were talking today (Jim) and he asked me if I have taken any more interesting flights...due to the fact that I have a thing about flying a bit and a habit of referring to flight attendants as "Air Clowns". And you know, in honor of that I will expose my recent findings concerning the airline industry.
What the hell is wrong with Airplanes? Are they THAT technologically sensitive? I mean, I can connect to the internet in ANY coffee shop in the country. I could arrange my cell phone to communicate with my car - due to bluetooth technology...and I can stop live television and rewind it - thanks to Tivo. But if I turn on my Gameboy during take-off the damn plane will crash??
Come ON!!! It's a freaking gameboy!
This is how it went down:
"This is your AirClown speaking...please buckle your worthless hides in the seat, turn off all electronic devices, including cell phones, two way pagers, and curling irons."
Everyone but me complies - because I don't think the rules apply to me. Air Clown marches down the aisle like a bride possessed...stalks past me then stops abruptly...backs up and places her hand on my seat. "Sir, could you please turn that off?" Less like a question really, and more like an adult talking to a pre-schooler who had just shat himself.
"Tommy - did you go poo poo in your diaper again? Ugh, you must learn to use the restroom...you are too old to be doing that in your diaper you little cretin!"
Use the exact same voice you used in your head when you read that...and you'll come close to the tone that AC used with me. I say, "It's only a Gameboy...does it really interfere?" (Using my best doe eyes) She counters, "Please turn of the game sir." Only - I don't like the way she says Sir...like she stepped on something squishy and it made her face screw up. I offer again, "But, it's a video game...it doesn't even take up much power...I'm sure the magnetic field encompassing this machine is so miniscule that even the most sensitive of equipment couldn't register it's existence."
Or maybe I just said..."Puuhllleeeaaseee"
Air Clown wasn't having it...she was going to tow the company line and that was all there was to it. But come one...it's an effen gameboy! Made me feel like a terrorist for wanting to play it...I was right in the middle of a wonderful winning streak of Zelda too.
The airlines can stop pretending now. The magic curtain that used to seperate us from them is split. We no longer find it fascinating to fly. Nobody dresses up JUST to fly anymore...we get the joke. It's a bus in the sky...nobody really wants to get on...they just want to get wherever they are going fast.
If it was so important to NOT have electronic devices on while you fly, then why do they allow you to answer your cell phone on a private charter? It's the airlines last remaining power play...keep us down and they will continue to gouge us with over-inflated prices, crappy, customer service, and low rent policies such as this.
Piss on em...I'm playing Zelda.
Wow!! Glad you were here to set this issue straight, Knowitall! Not to mention the extra bennie of being called an idiot (and that's the fifth time today...but on Tuesday's I'm not an idiot...I'm a lunatic. You gotta get on schedule my friend)
So, let me get this straight...you've boiled down the 3 dimensional movement of heavier than air mechanical objects and their destruction in a tense landing environment to pax playing gameboys? Methinks you might just be making excuses for why you were furloughed by United and replaced by about a half a ton of salted peanuts management could overcharge for.
The electromagnetic spectrum is getting crowded, I'll give you that...then again it doesn't take a rocket scientist (or a pilot) to alert anyone to that fact. The constant need for communication drives our world and more importantly our economy nowadays...so shielded aircraft systems which are not unimaginably expensive will be the order of the day and yet another paradigm shift for us to deal with...
I've been in the air once or twice myself, my surly bond slipping friend...and the next time that pesky "Cell phone interference" light comes on in the cockpit...push it off, decouple the auto-land function, and try to remember to flare...I don't want to my Super Mario game interrupted by the jostling!
Posted by: Shadow | 11/14/2004 at 08:58 PM
Come on...confess - you aren't a pilot...you're an "air clown" and you hate that I'm all over your peeps!! Seriously though, 3 years and we'll be able to talk on our phones and use our laptops WITH WIFI throughout the entire flight!!!
Posted by: a.brain | 10/31/2004 at 04:29 PM
Listen, idiot... I know that the crabby flight attendants might get off on the power trip of making you shut it down, but speaking as an industry insider (ie PILOT!!!!!) I can assure you that although intermittent and unpredictable, there are frequent interactions between these devices (even your puny gameboy) and aircraft systems that have consequences that you might not even want to know about. It is happening on a daily basis for probably every airliner operating. It's only the odds and vigilance on the part of flight crews that keep disasters from happening. Ever had that experience of a very sudden power change, or abrupt change in flight path? Many of these are caused by false collision alerts on the flight deck caused by your frikkin gameboy!!!!
As to being able to use cells on charters, don't assume that recent unexplained crashes (JUST PRIOR TO LANDING!!!!!!--when the cell phone is most likely to come out...) are not due to interference from electronic devices.
Don't be the one responsible for killing tens or hundreds of people on your flight... TURN IT OFF!!!
Posted by: knowitall | 10/30/2004 at 09:50 PM
Listen, idiot... I know that the crabby flight attendants might get off on the power trip of making you shut it down, but speaking as an industry insider (ie PILOT!!!!!) I can assure you that although intermittent and unpredictable, there are frequent interactions between these devices (even your puny gameboy) and aircraft systems that have consequences that you might not even want to know about. It is happening on a daily basis for probably every airliner operating. It's only the odds and vigilance on the part of flight crews that keep disasters from happening. Ever had that experience of a very sudden power change, or abrupt change in flight path? Many of these are caused by false collision alerts on the flight deck caused by your frikkin gameboy!!!!
As to being able to use cells on charters, don't assume that recent unexplained crashes (JUST PRIOR TO LANDING!!!!!!--when the cell phone is most likely to come out...) are not due to interference from electronic devices.
Don't be the one responsible for killing tens or hundreds of people on your flight... TURN IT OFF!!!
Posted by: knowitall | 10/30/2004 at 09:48 PM
I'm BACK Baby!!
Actually not back...just sitting at a computer in a lounge in an airport after I got kicked off an aircraft by an overzealous airclown!
Okay...not really, but it sounded good.
Here's my take...it's a 2 way street:
1. FAA mentality is better safe than sorry even to the point of pain...if anyone has any doubt about this just witness the multiple anal cavity searches of the 'deadly' octogenarians going through the security lines at your nearest airports.
B. Your average dude/dudette is harmless to the aircrafts safety. However, he is probably not paying attention to what's going on around him - and an aircraft (even as a passenger) is not a good place to be caught unawares (the old saying is...it's a long fall from here).
Lastly, not that there would be many of these instances (and I'm strictly conjecturing on how) but if you were planning to have your bearded buddy take some adverse action (blow his unhappy, smelly, terrorist cranium off) then you couldn't get any better timing than staying in touch 'real-time' while airborne.
In the big scheme of things...your right: it's a bus that's really fast. I predict we've got about another 5-7 years of 'doing without' the cellphone/pda connectivity handcuffs on aircraft that we have hanging out of our ears as we fling our vehicles headlong into unsuspecting traffic.
Posted by: Shadow | 10/07/2004 at 11:03 PM
Great insight Sal...and thanks for the tip C. I am "stuck like Chuck" right now looking for the Book of murdora or something in order to read something pivotal. I hope Shadow logs on soon to get a pilot's perspective on this little ditty. Although he could be mid-move???
Posted by: a.brain | 09/28/2004 at 06:38 PM
the older the plane, the safer you are.
BUT the problem is not overstated, although finding a good line to draw as to what is "an electrical device" throws up some obvious sillies like a 3volt gameboy. Even if you ignore the real chance of occasional defective electronics, simple electrical emissions from bending metal can be quite large -- melbourne airport was intermittently shutdown for several months due to a huge radar jamming/storm that came and went. Eventually traced to a hills-hoist clothesline with a broken arm, which by chance had all the right angles etc to turn into a vast radar-frequency shout every time a particular strength&direction wind blew through that house's yard.
Given the modern tendency to have thin flexing laptops with predominantly metal shells, plus a growing culture of people working on planes, i am waiting to see if the incidence of "minor failures" creeps up or we see a plane go down when it's suddenly blinded or frozen while landing.
Posted by: Saltation | 09/28/2004 at 05:46 PM
By the way, I think the final key you're looking for is under the bush in the NW corner of the map. You'll need to use a bomb to uncover the entrance to the cave leading to final part of the level too. GO LINK!
Posted by: cancer | 09/28/2004 at 02:27 PM
o_O wow. All that over a game-boy. Heh...I would have kept it on or something and just hid it. Why do they have to make so many damned ruled, anyway?
Posted by: Mander | 09/28/2004 at 10:23 AM
Well...I'm not looking to begin a revolution...but I didn't turn off the gameboy. That might just be stubborness though - not social resistance. Enough people stop adhering to the policies...and then the snowball starts to roll.
Posted by: a.brain | 09/27/2004 at 10:00 PM
How many people does it take to cease being friendly/childish disagreement with the policies, and start becoming anarchy? Is there a magic number?
Posted by: cigar | 09/27/2004 at 07:44 PM