Brain Blenders

TSA "Aww shucks...we sure tried hard"

Let me start this post by explaining that I am not an extremist. I don't live in a remote cabin in Montana or subscribe to the "Nut-Job Times" but Thursday evening I was on a plane from CHI to my home, and was going through my bag to find some sticky notes when I ran across this knife pictured to the left.

This is a CRKT knife, not some pansy nail file, and it went through no less than 4 security checkpoints this week on my travels.

I didn't even know it was in the bag...and I don't remember how long it's been there. I traveled last week too and the knife has been in there at least that long. If my memory serves me correct I placed the knife in the bag to bring it home, from the office (I use it as a letter opener!) and I just forgot it was there.

I was quite shocked to find the blade there, and quickly placed it back in it's side pocket where it has been for a couple of weeks. Now I have a lot of stuff in my bag...computer...iPod...Nintendo DS...headphones...paperwork...magazines...pens...markers...journals... breath strips...gum...receipts...an assortment of cables that range from a dongle to power strips. So granted, there is a lot of stuff in the Torque. But if Johnny Law can catch my tiny tweezers coming through the scanner, then why can't they catch that 8" KNIFE as well!!!

Have I found the secret of smuggling weapons on to aircraft? Overload the scanner with electrical material and place your weapon in the side of the bag? Seems just a little too simple for my liking. Or, could it be that they saw the knife and judged me worthy to carry it on a plane? Maybe they thought I was a Ninja, and since Ninjas only use their powers for good, they let me slide? Or maybe 3 major airports and 1 medium sized one all missed my knife? Good job TSA...I feel safer already...good thing I didn't leave that C-4 in my shoes.

Bleavage

Tonight I was getting a haircut and having a discussion with the person who cuts my hair (I refuse to call her a hairdresser, because my mother goes to a hairdresser - not me, and since she's not a barber...the nondescript "person" who cuts my hair is needed) when the subject of "bleavage" came up.

You see the girl who worked the front counter of this salon was replacing the goods in the front of the store when I arrived. And she had to bend over to place the bottles of hair care products on the bottom shelf, and when she bent over her pants slid down significantly. Now the fact that she had a bright blue thong on couldn't help but accentuate her bleavage. During her work she had attracted quite a crowd on the other side of the window. A scene we could compare if all males went to the zoo and tried not to let the panda know they where watching him. So here you have this circling group of knuckle-draggers trying to look inconspicuous as they stared intently at a woman who's pants didn't fit her properly for work in a setting of that nature. I say that because I am sure her pants fit her perfectly for work at a "Girls Gone Wild" video shoot.

The lady cutting my hair and I had a good laugh about the comedy in the front window...and she said you don't know how hard it is to find pants that fit these days They either hit you WELL below the hip-line, or come up above your navel. Their seems to be no happy medium. Which is why she said she prefers boys blue jeans or jogging pants. I've heard that the low rise is on the way out...someone had better pass the news quickly...the mall is having a hard time keeping the glass clean in front t of the , uhm, er - display.

Men Shouldn't Eat at Tea Rooms

Today, somehow...I got roped into eating at a Tea Room. As a matter of
fact, I'm there right now...mobile blogging. I have ordered a pick three
from the menu and the food is as sparse as the selection.

Now, I'm not saying that eating at a tea room is less than manly...well
actually I am, but when I walked in they told me they received their
goods in the back of the store.

OK...the meal is over, and the food was VERY good, and actually it almost, filled me up. I think us "macho types" have been missing out, we've been neglected - left out of the marketing approach for tea rooms. Of course the bill alone is ridiculous. Bottom line, there is WAY TOO MUCH STUFF TO BREAK in here. I don't belong here!!!!

Organic Aroma-therapeutic Paint

Anna Sova Luxury Organics are safe for kids, pregnant ladies, and if  you add a $9 bottle of Anna Sova Organic Aromatherapy to your room it will smell like fresh lemons, vanilla, orange and cloves, or sandalwood and spices — rather than headache-inducing chemicals.


"Up to 99% food grade ingredients !
This is NOT a petrochemical (PVA-poly vinyl acrylic plastic) stretched across your wall.
Our wall finish does NOT contain the same toxic ingredients in what the paint industry calls paint.
You breathe the volatile organic carbons from painted wall finish.
Isn’t breathing it the same as eating it?
Just consider a gallon of our wall finish 12 pounds of vanilla truffles, it’s delicious!"

Anna Sova

Serious Fans

The band Widespread Panic must have some FANATICAL followers. I was in a cab today in Chicago, IL and saw this sticker placed right below the screen in the back of the vehicle. Wait...did I just say, "the screen in the back??" Yeah, I think I did.

Anyway, right below that was the advertisement for traindays.com. A website dedicated to a film about the fans that followed the band throughout Europe last summer. A non-commissioned ad I might mention. I told the gentleman propelling me toward my destination about the sticker and he cursed me. I told him I DIDN'T DO IT!! It mattered not, I was the left hand in his culture now.

This is the new Dead. All tour and no flash.

Air Scratch

Check out these two fools having a ball "Air-Scratching". That's right...air scratch. DJ's with functional wrists but no skills on the turn-table...air scratch is for you. They even throw in the air guitar for good measure. It works...in that funny, on the net kinda way.

Spam-a-lot

Hormel has developed a promo piece for Eric Idle's Monty Python Spam-a-lot play...and he (Eric Idle) just slammed them on national television. Number 1, he doesn't eat meat - fish only. Number 2, he said "Well, I'm not sure spam has any meat in it anyway." Number 3, "Hormel just did it, we didn't even ask."

Then they gave everyone in the studio audience a can of spam. Oprah gives her studio audience cars, Craig Ferguson gives his audience spam. Eric Idle is hilarious...and Craig Ferguson is a gracious host. I'd like to see Spam-a-lot and read Eric Idle's Book - Greedy Bastard

My Pet Goat

Apparently if you call the White House and ask for "My/The Pet Goat"  they don't put you on hold and go get it. They get a little upset about it.

It's a reference to...W. reading this story to children on September 11th 2001 when the Towers where attacked. Apparently he kept reading the story for another 7 minutes before he left. Now, honestly I don't know what else you should do in a situation like that. I certainly don't pretend that I would react with any more poise than the man elected to run this pile of bitchers and moaners, but in the spirit of arm-chair quarterbacks everywhere here are the "reviews of the book" from Amazon.com as if written by George Bush, before Amazon.com began deleting them with tenacity. (for the irony impaired - this is a joke, albeit a lame one, but a great example of how consumers use any means necessary to translate a point - especially when it's political)

"The Pet Goat" appears on page 153 of

Reading Mastery II, Storybook 1,
by Siegfried Engelmann and Elaine Bruner
ISBN 0574101284
Publisher SRA/MacMillan/Mcgraw Hill 

Hooray for the New In-Flight Nut Mix

Dog Blog

So I was thumbing through the latest American Way magazine, since I’d already read the current month’s issue of Celebrated Living from the seatback pocket of a different flight. Sipping a cocktail and waiting for the flight to take off. And let me tell you it looks like food sucks in coach class even worse than before.

Gone are the trendy, complimentary Bistro Bags, which have been replaced by “Onboard Food for Purchase.” For $3, the magazine says you can sample a bunch of snacks that seem to be seriously lacking in a 30-30-40 balance of nutrients which I always strive for. Included are little samplers of Craisins, bagel chips, muffin bars, and an after-dinner (ha!) mint. Later in the day you can have crackers, salami slices, cheese and cookies.

Meanwhile I’m up here in the front of the plane enjoying a whole can of soda with a glass glass filled with ice cubes, and a delightfully warm ramekin of assorted nuts. And would you believe in the age of downsizing and cutting pillows and things from flights, that American Airlines has actually ADDED soy nuts to their nut mix. Now I’ve been eating this mix for several years, and it seems I never get my share of pecans, but rather cashews and pistachios and such, but I have NEVER seen soy nuts until now. This little subtle touch is like a ...

(excuse me, they’re passing out the little warm towels now and I need to wipe the nut salt off my fingers and spread the warm towel across my face before it loses its heat. There now, where was I? Oh yes, like a...)

... fresh flower in a vase that you sometimes see in business class lavatories on international flights. Or it’s like a flight attendant who keeps coming around to see if your glass of bottled water needs topping up.

I mean, I don’t know what’s going on back there where most of you people sit who don’t fly very often, but the soy nuts and early boarding privileges make it a lot easier for me to tolerate the missed connections and cancelled flights that often plague my frequent travel schedule. Oooh, salmon filet and mixed greens salad. Gotta go!

PSPissed

I've only had a cursory glance at the Sony Play Station Portable (PSP), and I have to admit, I'm a little chapped that I own the Nintendo DS. Don't get me wrong the DS is a great portable gaming system and Nintendo has certainly proven themselves as a portable gaming leader throughout the years. BUT MAN, the PSP is SWEEET! It just LOOKS cool, and plays movies on that huge screen. Yeah, I don't know how to hold the thing yet, cause it is literally COVERED IN BUTTONS, but it is cooler than the other side of the pillow. Does anybody feel sorry for me on this issue?